Eating Daisys

Each time i begin to forget the memories come up again. Their ice cold grip falls and shatters the delicate happiness begun to take place. These memories brake the smiling facade and reveal the pain. So old, so real, so familiar. I've grown accustomed to it now. A comfort more then a burnden, the sadness, for every gentle smile is fragile. Just waiting for reality to strike. To say, i fooled you. To wake me up frome this happy waiting until i remember that it doesnt exist. Not for me, not really. and once it does i feel relieved, at least now im not waiting for the next bad to strike...

If you're happy but don't know it....

Why is it that all of us humans seem to want what we cant have and once we get it, we dont want it? its like when we first see something and we immediately see it as perfect. Able to solve all our problems. But then, those little imperfections seem to seep through the cracks and rear their ugly faces, and no matter how much you dont want to admit it, you're left wishing you had never even seen that thing in the first place. So why are we all like that? We just assume, imagine, wish that something is better then it is. And then, when it isn't we become dissapointed. Like puppies who've just been given a new toy, only to find it broken two days later. I vote we give up these preconceptions on how we want our world to be (as hypocrytical as that sounds). If it were just exactly as we wanted it, it would be no fun. So why can't we just look at people, notice their flaws, and accept them, choosing to focus on their good? ya, that would be nice. Too bad thats not how it works....

Music fills my heart. It drowns out everything. All i could feel would be joy. Or maybe not. but if not, the music would drown it out. Sometimes i wish we could just go away. Far far away, where all those fairytales of childhood exist. Where we would only talk to those who we wanted, when we wanted. Without having to worry about anything. And there would be music. There's always music. This disney-dream come alive, i wish it could be real. For nothing would be more wonderful then this.

Eating rainbows, pooping butterflies

I wish it were different....That i was different. Maybe then this poison wouldn't feel so bad. But i suppose somethings are meant to be. This rushing wind thats tearing away will vanish. Leave without a trace. Maybe then i will be free.

Maybe.....

And I'm still hurting....

Endings....now those are wierd. They always seem to be something like a blur of mixed emotions. Love, hate, anger, regret, happiness, relief, all those things just mixed up and bundled into this one huge messy ball of unknown. And aren't we made to fear the unknown? Isn't that what people always fear most? What we don't know we can't control....And that scares us. But what if this not knowing is something good. What if we could just let go? and trust that we are going to be ok, no matter what. I mean, we always are- in the end. Even when we die and face the largest unknown of all, we know that it's just a new beginning...or something like that. So why are we so afraid? I mean, when you think about it, it's all just a big adventure. Having fun and trying to enjoy that thats what we all need to do. So ya, i think i will tribal dance with my best friend, even if a stranger thinks were wierd. So what? its fun. And thats all its really about. Being happy. No matter what.

Paint and books and fancy shoes

Have you ever gone to a store or the movie theater or really anywhere and
just had to stand in line? Ya. I hate that. i mean you know there's always that
woman in front of you who has like 30 purchases to make, and the cash register
just HAS to break right as the cashier starts ringing up the things she buys
then there's the woman in back of you with like 3 kids and one of them's always
staring at you and when you look back they start crying or something so all you
can do is stand there in the middle of it and ask why holding your one little
package of poptarts or klenex or whatever it is and looking at your watch
wondering if you should just forget it. Ya, i hate lines. And at amusement
parks? Now thats even worse. because there all youre doing is standing in the
hot sun (they always have to put amusement parks in the sunniest place possible
where its ALWAYS 100+ degrees) holding your slushie and wondering, why the heck
did i buy this now im going to puke as soon as i get on the ride, all the while
watching the people coming off the ride some thrilled, some just looking sick.
Its so stupid all this waiting. I wish we could just fast forward sometimes.
Fast forward life and skip all the waiting. Waiting to get out of line, waiting
to find a decent job, or house, or anything. Just skip all that and go to the
living, and the having fun. But i guess, without the waiting, what would there
be left? were all waiting for something, why not make it fun. Why not turn that
waiting into living. Dance in the middle of the line, or sing. Start talking to
someone behind you maybe make a new friend. Do something crazy. You just may end
up a little happier for it...

Falling

They're always there: the doubts, the worrys. But how is it that the one
moment that it truely seems to start to hurt you're there? Every time. No
matter
what. From a mile away, you know. You know it hurts and right when i
need you
you're there. I don't know if i believe in love. It's something you
always want
but never really get. A trick, something meant just for fairy
tales. But i guess
i've found my tiara. Because there you are- and i know
i've found it. Love. You
hold me even when i bite, and act like im 3. And
even when we fight you call and
tell me you love me. You sing and you growl.
To find a guy like that i know. I'm
never letting go.