And I'm still hurting....

Endings....now those are wierd. They always seem to be something like a blur of mixed emotions. Love, hate, anger, regret, happiness, relief, all those things just mixed up and bundled into this one huge messy ball of unknown. And aren't we made to fear the unknown? Isn't that what people always fear most? What we don't know we can't control....And that scares us. But what if this not knowing is something good. What if we could just let go? and trust that we are going to be ok, no matter what. I mean, we always are- in the end. Even when we die and face the largest unknown of all, we know that it's just a new beginning...or something like that. So why are we so afraid? I mean, when you think about it, it's all just a big adventure. Having fun and trying to enjoy that thats what we all need to do. So ya, i think i will tribal dance with my best friend, even if a stranger thinks were wierd. So what? its fun. And thats all its really about. Being happy. No matter what.

Paint and books and fancy shoes

Have you ever gone to a store or the movie theater or really anywhere and
just had to stand in line? Ya. I hate that. i mean you know there's always that
woman in front of you who has like 30 purchases to make, and the cash register
just HAS to break right as the cashier starts ringing up the things she buys
then there's the woman in back of you with like 3 kids and one of them's always
staring at you and when you look back they start crying or something so all you
can do is stand there in the middle of it and ask why holding your one little
package of poptarts or klenex or whatever it is and looking at your watch
wondering if you should just forget it. Ya, i hate lines. And at amusement
parks? Now thats even worse. because there all youre doing is standing in the
hot sun (they always have to put amusement parks in the sunniest place possible
where its ALWAYS 100+ degrees) holding your slushie and wondering, why the heck
did i buy this now im going to puke as soon as i get on the ride, all the while
watching the people coming off the ride some thrilled, some just looking sick.
Its so stupid all this waiting. I wish we could just fast forward sometimes.
Fast forward life and skip all the waiting. Waiting to get out of line, waiting
to find a decent job, or house, or anything. Just skip all that and go to the
living, and the having fun. But i guess, without the waiting, what would there
be left? were all waiting for something, why not make it fun. Why not turn that
waiting into living. Dance in the middle of the line, or sing. Start talking to
someone behind you maybe make a new friend. Do something crazy. You just may end
up a little happier for it...

Falling

They're always there: the doubts, the worrys. But how is it that the one
moment that it truely seems to start to hurt you're there? Every time. No
matter
what. From a mile away, you know. You know it hurts and right when i
need you
you're there. I don't know if i believe in love. It's something you
always want
but never really get. A trick, something meant just for fairy
tales. But i guess
i've found my tiara. Because there you are- and i know
i've found it. Love. You
hold me even when i bite, and act like im 3. And
even when we fight you call and
tell me you love me. You sing and you growl.
To find a guy like that i know. I'm
never letting go.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

so i am lazy. of course anyone who
knows me knows that. i mean, its part of being me. along with a list of wierd
quirks. im obsessed with movies, i am ocd, i burst out singing ALL THE TIME, and
i have this tendancy to rip up paper when im bored. i guess its just me, i like
to be different. i mean, if everyone were the same that would kind of suck. it
would be sooo boring. and i dont like boring things. i like to do stuff. and to
go places. i have this habit of pacing, i cant stand to just sit still. maybe
thats why im never good at school work. too much sitting. you know im pretty
sure thats bad for people, maybe they should fix that. i vote that we add recess
again. with those little playgrounds, that always seemed so big when you were
little, and sandboxes that made you feel like you were at the beach. ya i like
that idea. lets just add recess, maybe thats how we can get world peace. just
talk or fight it out on a playground. have you ever seen an adult act like a
child? i love it, it kind of makes my day. i dont think people should be so
stuffy all the time, why not be a little random, and impulsive. especially if
people stare. thats the most fun part. watching people wonder why you're running
around strangly and secretly wishing that they could be you. i mean you know
thats what they're thinking- everyone loved childhood thats all we really want
isnt it?

favorite restaurant

i miss it. i miss talking to you. laughing. everything. i miss knowing that you and i were close, knowing that nothing could tear that appart. until time messed it up, and we grew, but separately, never togeather. i miss the sun and the sand, and the happiness and joy. i miss the inside jokes and memories. i wonder...if i told you, would you remember? or would you ask why id even brought it up...?

blahhh

so have you ever had that feeling that you're missing something? that
lonliness way deep down. but i know that that someone is there, but i mean, it
doesnt change anything. i dont know maybe its just because its raining. maybe
its just what happens. but why does it happen so often? or maybe not. it's
confusing. everything is i guess. but i hate that, it makes me want to change.
but then, i wouldnt be me and thats not right...is it? i dont know. maybe its
true that we're all alone.....but then, maybe not

Blah

So I know I haven't written in a while. But let's
face it- who really goes around and reads all this blogging crap anyways? I
mean, think about the millions of people in the world who go out and think hey!
I wanna start a blog, that way people can read about my opinions and I'll feel
special! Well, the truth is it probably fails. I mean, then think about
how no one ever just searches blogs, unless that is, they have
something better that they are supposed to be doing- then anything but that
seems fun, and even then only a few of those blogs are probably read. But today
i figured, why not write?
So i was talking earlier with a friend and it got
me thinking about how pointless infomercials are. Cool life, right? If that's
all im thinking about, but i mean, when your just driving in a car what else is
there to do? Anyways, infomercials. I mean, think a bout it. They're
basically just hour-long commercials for things that you don't want, don't need,
and will probably just break the moment that it arrives even if you have a huge
lapse in judgement for a second and actually think to purchase one of whatever
item they're selling. I mean, whoever decided to make the commercial
obviously couldn't even afford real actors for their product- if you have no
respect for your own product why should your consumers? And its definately not
real people they use on those things either- you can see them reading off a
prompter half the time! So really, what's the point of such crap? Other, of
course, to annoy people like me with a short attention span, and a general
dislike of that whole monotone voice they've got going on half the time. They
way they make those commercials too, it's not even like those kinds of
commercials that you like to watch that are funny and happy. They're more like
radio commercials. You know, the kind that just sound like noise and seem to
last forever even though its only like 5 minutes until the next song plays.
Only, with infomercials, there is no next song. It
just keeps going. God, what has this world come to?