your words are fake and the smiles they smoulder under my gaze and im tired. im tired of the sounds and the noises and words that mean nothing to me except pain. a different country and a different viewpoint shouldnt blend together into the same old hurt but it does and whats worse is the lack of ability to leave. i cant believe you. and i cant believe the betrayal ive felt from a country which i was supposed to love and which now feels like hell itself has finally swallowed me whole and taken on the form of a formidable foursome which i can no longer take the pressure and pain is caving in and the tears have flown so long that there are none left, the tap is dry. i have left purgatory behind. what i once considered pain is no more than a pinprick here, designed merely to prepare me for the torture that lies ahead on this plain of razorblades disguised behind forgein words and endless days. less than a month has passed yet i would give anything to be back. back to the pain that is tolerable and lonely rather than peircing and constant. it only makes me wonder how much i can take before the black eclipses the mind and i can surrender unto something, anything else.
