Cupcakes

I feel so torn, between this happy, dumb blonde. The one that everyone sees. The happy one, the smiling, laughing, childish, annoying, and exasperating one. The one that everyone hates, but is still so drawn to because of its endearing nature. And the sad, wise adult. The one who is mature and understanding, but no fun to be around. Worldly, but unhappy. This game i play hurts, happy and bubbly, but with an everlasting shadow, darkness, pain beneath. Its like a mask, and the worlds a masquerade, everyone performing this elaborate dance. But this time, the mask is part of me. Two sides, but everything inbetween. So many directions, so many choices, which to choose. I wonder if they even care at all, no one side seems enough, but how to combine, how to intertwine, these ever-shifting emotions, how do i make it me?